Summary

In this episode of the Executive Connect podcast, Cynthia Bentzen Mercer shares her journey from corporate stagnation to becoming a bestselling author and executive coach. She discusses the importance of intentional career planning, mentorship, and workplace flexibility, offering actionable advice for personal and professional growth.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Career Restlessness
03:12 Transforming Restlessness into Opportunity
06:04 Overcoming Stagnation and Setting Goals
09:04 The Importance of Mentorship and Allyship
11:50 Transitioning from Corporate to Entrepreneurship
15:09 Challenges of Building a Network
18:01 Strategies for Retaining Female Talent
19:51 Creating a Flexible Work Environment
22:59 Balancing Work and Family Life
26:09 Final Thoughts and Advice

Transcript

Melissa (00:01.269)
Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast. Today I’m excited to have Cynthia Benson Mercer here to discuss career restlessness intentionality. Thank you so much for joining us today, Cynthia.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (00:16.642)
You Melissa, it’s good to be here.

Melissa (00:19.193)
I love so much about your background being a USA Today top bestselling author, a C-suite coach, and the co-founder, Aziel Avahil. I love your book. I’m so excited to hear about your journey. And I want to kick us off with talking about career restlessness and talk to you a little bit about your personal experience with restlessness in your career.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (00:45.614)
Yeah, well, it’s really what prompted prompted us to go down this path is your best poise to serve the person you once were. And numerous times in my career, I reached a point of feeling restless, stagnant, stuck, you know, pick a word. But basically that where you feel you have more to give, have feel you have more talent to add more value to add. And

know, oftentimes we’re left with, gosh, do we need to leave and move on? What does that mean? Because it’s not sustainable, that feeling of feeling stuck or restless.

Melissa (01:27.063)
Yeah, I agree. I love that you’ve taken that feeling of restlessness and turned it into an amazing opportunity and pivoted from W2 employee to owning your own business, being an author and coach. Can you share a little bit about how you really transformed your life and kind of maybe some tips for some of our listeners?

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (01:49.292)
Yeah, well, you know, part of it was accidental, which is the entire point of the book is to be intentional. And so, you know, I fell into the same trap that a lot of women do, which is I was kind of putting off thinking about my next and late in my corporate career, we were going through a CEO change. thought.

You know, a lot of things can happen when you go through a CEO change that CEOs want to pick their teams. And I wasn’t quite sure where things were going to land. I had always wanted to write a book. Our research told us that women globally, from ages of late 20s to mid 60s, at some point in their careers, some of them multiple times found this feeling of restlessness. And it was because they weren’t feeling self-actualized.

And I thought, you know, I’ve been there. So that really became the through line of the book is start intentionally working on your future today. And for me, that meant thinking about what I thought would be my encore career. It meant thinking about what I thought I would be doing three to five years from now, which is executive coaching, public speaking, writing books. And during the CEO change as part of a change of control, my position was eliminated.

The blessing in that is that the entire book process was walking through me creating my own blueprint to my next. And I had the opportunity at that point, do I jump back into corporate America or do I just accelerate my own plan? And by virtue of the fact that we’re talking, I chose the latter, chose to accelerate it. But what was so powerful in liberating about that is I had a plan. Most

Women in particular don’t. We’re so busy focusing on the here and now that we’re not thinking about our aspirational next.

Melissa (03:49.483)
Yeah, I love that about the book. It was really focused on your life today, know, what’s close up and then looking far away. And I think you’re spot on. think really focused on intentional moves in your career versus letting kind of the river take us down whatever professional journey. I love that about the book. I wanted to talk a little bit about

how women can overcome stagnation. I know a lot of times for myself it’s like get up and rinse, repeat, groundhog day every day and really layering on top the now near next to really put together a focus plan so we’re not stagnant and we’re really focusing on what we want for our lives.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (04:36.822)
I think so much of it has to do with taking the time to think ahead. Right. So there’s a couple of paths. One is I’m already stuck, stagnant, restless. And so I’m in the position of having to go, OK, what is my next and what is the path to get there? And if I’m already feeling that that situation of rinse and repeat, I probably want a pretty accelerated timeline to start journeying toward my next. For others, it’s about

Maybe I’m in a perfect situation. Maybe I love what I’m doing. The challenge in that is I’m not thinking ahead because I’m living in the moment. And so what I would say is if you’re stuck or stagnant, you’ve waited too long. So now’s the time to plan, identify what’s aspirationally next for you and put that in motion. But for those of you that are in that place where it’s like, I can’t think about my next, I love what I’m doing. I could do this forever.

Nothing’s really forever. So always thinking ahead and always identifying what is, and it doesn’t have to be a promotion. It doesn’t have to be leaving your organization. It could be a job, widening, right? Where you take on more departments. It could be a new certification or an advanced degree or writing a book or serving on a board, you know, any of those options that expand and grow and develop you to actualize your potential.

Melissa (06:04.843)
Yeah, and I also love something that was in there too. I know for me, I always would set my goals at the end of the year looking for next year, but then I found that I wasn’t looking at them as much as I really should to really catch sooner than I was catching if I had gone off course versus staying on course. So I do love that it’s very organized and I really think that looking at your goals.

regularly, whether it’s weekly or monthly and re-shifting and re-focusing. And like you were mentioning, what’s next in your career growth and personal growth. Like you were saying, it may not be a promotion at your job, but it may be spending more time with your kids or getting in better shape or whatever the other goals outside of just your career. I want to talk a little bit about what women can do to really own that journey.

themselves versus just kind of like we were talking about existing and looking at it year from year and making sure that they’re self-aware of where they are in their career.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (07:10.754)
I think it starts with creating time for that because the very first thing we hear from all women is great, I love the concept, start working on your future today. But we put it off until the kids go off to kindergarten or they graduate college or the spouse or significant other lands their perfect job, right? We’ve got plenty of things to consume our time. And so there’s always this, yes, great idea, I’ll get to that. And what we’re saying is even if it’s seven minutes a day,

you can do something to invest in yourself and invest in your next. So that’s the first thing is how do I create the time? And we really believe in healthy boundaries, both professionally and personally. As women, we want to take everything on. And to your listeners that are the men or the allies, the supporters, the sponsors, the ways that others can lean in is to help you

live into your boundaries, to help you stay firm with your boundaries, to not challenge the boundaries, both at home and at work, to be that helpful participant. So time is first. Second is figure out the what it is. What is the next aspirational goal? And for some, that comes very easily and naturally. For others, they have to really ponder and think about, I don’t know what that would be. But the third thing is tell people. So you obviously have to think about who you’re going to tell.

If you’re currently in an existing employment situation and you’re anticipating leaving that situation, obviously you want to be careful about who you’re bringing into confidence. But people are not mind readers. And if you aren’t putting your aspirations into the universe, no one knows to say your name in rooms you’re not in. Right. And so it’s about putting it out there because I tell you, Melissa, and you say,

my gosh, I was just talking to a neighbor or I was just at a networking session. I know somebody that’s looking for somebody that does exactly that. So it’s amazing how that reciprocates. But if you just keep it to yourself, you remain in that rinse and repeat stagnant space, which is not terribly healthy.

Melissa (09:25.577)
Yeah, think mentorship and allyship is so important. think sometimes there’s suggestions or questions that have been brought to my attention that I would have never thought of my own self or looking at things a different way. And so I love that you brought up mentorship and coaching. think it’s the key for all of us to get to wherever it is we want to go. know a lot of times

If I’m looking for help in a certain area, I’m finding a mentor or someone that is experienced in that area to help me. Cause I don’t necessarily know that area. You know, like I do every year, I find my CPA call my CVA. He’s the expert. He’s my mentor and helps me with my return. And I use that mentorship allyship in all areas of my life. I think it’s such a really important topic to talk about.

especially when you’re going through career changes where you’re not sure do I stay do I go and bouncing it off a few people and then those people keep their ears and eyes open like you were saying should anything open up and sometimes things don’t open up but people can be like you were saying an ally for you as you kind of transition different roles. I know kind of switching gears a little bit I know in the last

2024 has been an interesting year as an executive in our world politically and all such other topics. But I know a lot of leaders are pivoting from executive leadership into entrepreneurship. So I wanna talk a little bit about your journey and career shift from being an EVP and CAO to launching the Zeal of a Heel and kind of

That’s a courageous move, right? So I want to hear a little bit about your journey and your experiences with that.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (11:23.074)
Yeah, so as I mentioned earlier, it sort of happened to me to some degree in that I was planning to stay in the corporate world longer. Again, what was liberating about my situation as I had a plan, I didn’t realize that I was going to be executing that plan as early as I was. But it really gave me a lot of validation around how important this methodology is.

because again, had I not had this plan, I would have been working in another corporate job for the next five to seven years, probably would have had to relocate away from my grown children, et cetera, because I’ve never known anything else. But because I had worked toward this plan and envisioned what my next was going to be, albeit three to five years from now, I was able to accelerate that. I was already taking steps. So part of it is,

identifying and making the movement toward that goal makes it less scary. Although going out on my own was, I will say terrifying because I’ve never done it before. You know, I was used to working really hard and every two weeks there was money that showed up in my bank account. So it’s been an interesting journey. I will tell you, I’ve absolutely, there’s no going back. I had somebody else say to me one time, once they started their own business, they were forever more unemployable.

because they couldn’t work for anybody else because they, you know, loved the entrepreneurship. But I will say this, there’s a bit of a risk going on in corporate America. Just to flip this just a tad because we did a CEO briefing on this. I believe the greatest competitive advantage for organizations is to reinvest in their women leaders, particularly because there is a shift happening where more and more

women in particular are leaving the corporate space and starting their own businesses. And just from our research, I believe that a big part of that is because they get stuck. They feel stagnant. They don’t see their career growth happening at the pace or rate they’d like, and they feel a little left behind. And so it’s sort of like, I’m going to take the proverbial ball and I’m going to go home and start my own thing where I have more control. And while I think that’s

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (13:43.828)
Awesome. And for a lot of people, that’s the best right next move. I do think we’re losing a lot of historical knowledge. We’re seeing that we don’t have as many women in those VP suites to be able to move up into the C suites. It really takes us back a step as we’re trying to get more women at the table in those C suite non boards. If we’re leaving the corporate world, you know, at that

vice president, senior vice president level because we’re disenchanted. So this is where I think men and women in CEO roles and in roles of influence have an opportunity is to reinvest, lean into those women leaders before they take their ball and go start their own business and take their success elsewhere and take all their, you historical knowledge elsewhere.

you’ve just removed women out of the workplace that younger women leaders no longer have somebody to look up to and aspire to. So it really has a very long tail in terms of the impact. So that’s not to dissuade women from going into business on their own. think it’s amazing. But I think we’re losing women at a greater pace than we have been before. And I worry that that’s going to set us back as we look for more equity.

Melissa (15:09.328)
Yeah, I love that because I really definitely agree with that. think that I feel the same way and I hear the same things. I want to talk a little bit about that transition and some of the struggles that you had originally with, you know, being a W2 employee is very different than working for yourself. Can you share some of the struggles that you learned along the way?

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (15:36.984)
But you the biggest thing for me is that I had not done an effective job of really building a network when I was inside corporate walls. And we talk a lot about that in the book about the importance of network and sponsorship. And I got very insular within my organization. And so suddenly I’m on my own and I didn’t have this broad network.

of individuals to reach out to to talk about my business plan to to sell to. So I leaned where I where I had relationships, which is a 35 year history in five different organizations, different industries. And I was blessed that those relationships had been long standing and so on. But the idea of starting to really have to build a network from somewhat scratch was a bit daunting.

I never fancied myself as a salesperson. And yet when you own your own business, particularly when you’re selling yourself, not a widget, it’s all about relationships. It’s all about having a value proposition. I think the thing I’ve learned the most about is the, the quote unquote sales process. What I’ve really learned is it’s not sales as much as it is.

really having something of value that can solve someone’s problem and finding through relationships, finding a person that you’re a good fit for to solve their unique problem. And that takes a while. It takes a while to earn the trust. It takes a while to find people that are uniquely in need of what it is that you offer. So that’s the scary part, but I had to learn a lot. The other thing, and this is totally telling of myself is

I’d always had, well, for a very long time, had a support staff. I mean, I am chief of everything, right? And so suddenly it’s like, okay, I have to track that receipt and I have to do that billing and I have to follow up on that thing and I have to order the paper and I’m my own IT person and my own marketing person. And it’s amazing how quickly you can learn everything from building a website to…

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (18:01.558)
managing with books.

Melissa (18:05.21)
Yeah, definitely. When you were talking, it made me think back to things that companies can do outside of training to keep their women leaders. Are there other things that you believe as an HR professional companies could do to keep their senior female talent?

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (18:29.326)
Yeah. So you mentioned training and development. And I think that that’s table stakes, right? That’s kind of ticket to admission. I also believe, and this is going to sound self-serving, but whether it’s me or someone else, I do believe strongly in having an executive coach. think that women, everyone in an executive role, because I look at it as if you don’t continue to build talent, they’re like muscles, they atrophy.

Potential is exponential in terms of where you can grow it. So an executive coach, think, especially in those women that you want to continue to grow and develop from a succession perspective. The other thing is we have to be more comfortable with flexibility. There’s a difference between just and fair. And I learned that from one of the sisters of Mercy.

at Sister Rock and she said to me, think in my first week when I was there, you know, said the other is a difference between just and fair. Fair is everybody, regardless of need, gets the equal share of the pie. Just is that Melissa is hungrier and has two other mouths to feed and you just ate and et cetera, et cetera. And we’re going to give what is needed to each person based on their unique and individual situation.

And so I worry a little bit as we get into this trying to go back into the mentality of everybody has to be back in the office and all the things that we’re going to further perpetuate backsliding in terms of gender equity because women are still trying to balance it all and they’ve gotten comfortable figuring it out, particularly when they have promotable or trans.

Melissa (20:17.602)
Yeah, that’s great. I think that’s a really good point. it was, that was going to be my next question is talking about the future of leadership, just generally speaking, and some of the barriers that corporate leadership is having right now, keeping and retaining talent as it pertains to people going back to the office and or, you know, coming in late. And I want to talk a little bit what organizations can do to create

you know, a more, like you were saying, fair environment for men and women and while they’re helping them advance their roles at the company.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (20:58.867)
Well, I think it’s individualized, right? I think that it’s not a one size fits all. And that’s what is uncommon in corporate America is that, especially in a larger organization, there’s this, and it’s practical to a certain point, right? I was a long time in HR. It’s hard to manage if you have 50,000 employees that everybody has a unique situation and benefits plan, et cetera. So obviously standards make sense.

But having some individualization and recognizing that maybe a particular person needs a more hybrid environment, and you’re going to get more out of that individual by allowing them to have days in which they work remotely and days that they come into the office. Recognizing that individuals may need

I don’t know, additional accommodations for things. It really, for me, is about each person having their unique, what is going to make them feel fully fulfilled and engaged at work and able to balance all the things, because I think you and I both know when you can keep all the plates spinning and you have an employer that is flexible enough to allow you to be that whole person, the mom,

the worker, the this, the that, there’s a loyalty that comes along with that. There’s a deep appreciation for the ability to be able to wear the cape and do all the things. And I think there’s a growing expectation around that too. And there’s men as well that need levels of flexibility, more men that are taking on more of a direct home care. So it’s not.

specifically really related to gender. It’s just statistically women still take on the lion’s share the caregiving.

Melissa (22:59.628)
And I know for me, when I had my son, I wasn’t willing to risk with my job that required a lot of travel, not being there for my kids. So I know when I first started traveling after the pandemic, it was twice as hard for me, because I was up early when I was traveling to tend to my son. Then I was traveling all day and then I had client events in the evening and then I was

In between the end of the meetings before the dinners, I was getting my kid ready, playing with him, getting him fed. So I know I wish I had been more verbal that I was doing that. And it finally struck me when my son was five months old that I needed to start sharing that with other women and saying, hey, you should do it too. And you should be comfortable.

being a mom and being a leader because I felt like I was killing it at my job and killing it as a mom. But I was really being secretive about it because I was fearful of being judged or fearful of it not being well received. And I’ll never forget, I’ve told this story before, but I’ll never forget I had to bring my son with me very last minute. I’m talking like two hours last minute where I had nothing packed.

packed a diaper bag and I dropped them off at the airport to my mother and headed to an event. It was a really interesting shift for me because I finally felt comfortable sharing it with people. I think more women came to me after and said, thanks for sharing that. I wish I had somebody that shared and made me feel comfortable sharing it when I was, my children were younger.

So I think I love that you talked about flexibility because I think that’s really key because I know I’m not willing to risk time with my kid, but I’m also willing to give a lot for the company. know it’s mutually, it goes both ways. There were weekends I’ve worked and not been with my family, but there were times I brought my kids on trips so I could see them. And I think that’s…

Melissa (25:20.222)
like you were saying, there’s no one size fits all. I think it’s just as important for men. know, you my husband took off time from his job to support me and I’ve taken off time to do the other direction for him. And so I love that you said, cause it is not just a woman thing, it’s a man and a woman thing.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (25:41.678)
Absolutely. Well, I think one of the calls we were on together, one of our networking calls you had, your little one was homesick and you were holding him and playing with his hair and we were having this entire professional conversation. I was a little jealous. I didn’t have a little snuggler in my lap. But you’re right. You give even more when you have that flexibility to not take away. And I love your concept about

sharing your experiences with others. I think it also gives us permission. And again, specifically as women, we carry more guilt around these things. And that’s not our opinion, that’s based in research. The idea that we can talk about it in a way that normalizes it, that we’re all trying to make the balance. I I have a girlfriend and this is gonna sound really offensive in this day and age, but we used to jokingly talk about, we drug and drop.

the kids at school or preschool, right? They had a runny nose that morning. So give them a little Tylenol and drop them off so you can go into the office because heaven forbid you would stay home with a sick child if you could avoid it. it’s like, today I think, what? But I’m talking 25 years ago, you worked like you didn’t have kids. And I think women still

in a lot of ways continue to do that. And it’s really a disservice, not only to their families, but themselves because more and more employers are very understanding.

Melissa (27:18.379)
Yeah, and I think from my perspective, I had a choice that morning when my babysitter couldn’t babysit anymore and I was supposed to get on a flight in a few hours. I could have A, canceled with the company and telling them I had no childcare. I could have B, gone and figured it out. My husband could have figured it out. He’d have to take off time. Or C, I could say, you know what?

I’m gonna problem solve. My parents were a couple hours away. The plane ride was a couple of hours. They were retired. And I did it. I made the decision to give and push all in for the company and push all in for my family. And it was a win-win for my husband, for my son, and for the company. Because I showed up at the conference, my son was with me, and my husband was able to do his job. So it was a win-win for everybody. And I think that’s the key is finding

you know, the win for everyone, where it’s fair for the company and they’re getting, you know, their fair part of you and you’re getting your fair part of the company when you need to go to your kids activities or bring them to an event. And I think that’s the real, that’s the real win is when you’re with an organization that is the opposite, you’re less likely to say, yep, I’m going to

get on that plane, you’re gonna call in and say, I’m not going, I need to take care of my kid. And that’s what I think people need to realize now is, you know, there’s choices and people are more loyal when people are more understanding that life isn’t, you know, predictable every minute of the day. Things happen, kids get sick, planes get canceled. So I think it’s just being flexible and creating an environment where it’s win-win for everyone that’s involved.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (29:09.998)
Absolutely. Yeah. And choice. You make a choice.

Melissa (29:14.707)
Yeah, definitely. I am so excited to talk to you. I love everything about you and your book and what you’re doing with your coaching. I want to just get any final thoughts or anything that you want to share with our listeners about what we talked about today.

Cynthia Bentzen Mercer (29:32.43)
I think I would leave two final thoughts for the women that are listening. I would say start intentionally working on your future today. Whether you are stuck in stagnant and know darn well you need to make a change or you are at the peak of happiness and you can’t imagine thinking about something else, what is your aspirational next and start working on it today, even if it’s seven minutes a day. And what I would say to our male listeners

Melissa (30:09.354)
I love it. That’s such good advice for our listeners. Thank you so much for sharing your valuable time with our listeners today, Cynthia. That’s the Executive Connect podcast.