In this episode of Executive Connect, host Melissa Aarskaug sits down with Adriana Cowdin, Forbes and New York Times featured executive coach and author, to share her powerful story of burnout, medical trauma, and complete reinvention. After building a seven figure business and leading at the highest levels, Adriana was forced to walk away when her body could no longer keep up.

She reveals how high performers ignore warning signs, why hustle culture is quietly destroying leaders, and how to redefine success without losing ambition. This conversation offers real tools for resilience, boundaries, and sustainable leadership in today’s demanding world.

If you are feeling exhausted, disconnected, or stuck in survival mode, this episode will challenge how you think about performance and help you lead with clarity and purpose.

Listen now and take your next step toward sustainable success.

Chapters:

(0:00) Listening To Your Body’s Warning Signs
(0:43) Adriana’s Journey From Executive To Reinvention
(2:21) The Medical Crisis That Changed Everything
(4:53) The True Cost Of Walking Away
(7:37) Redefining Success And Identity
(11:04) How To Recognize Burnout Early
(12:54) Medical Trauma And Ambition
(16:48) Why Overworking Is Rewarded
(19:40) Head, Heart, And Gut Decision Making
(21:00) The “I’ll Do It Later” Trap
(23:50) Boundaries And Personal Growth
(26:38) Navigating Resistance And Change
(31:47) Setting Goals That Matter
(34:37) Reclaiming Stubbornness As Strength
(37:34) Rapid Fire On Reinvention
(40:07) What’s Next And How To Connect

Adriana

(0:00) So I think the first one is follow your gut. (0:05) Your body is always gonna tell you when you are headed towards burnout. (0:10) When mine happened, yes, it was quick, but I had been commuting back and forth from Indianapolis to Chicago every weekend because my mom was going through cancer treatment and sleeping at the, like I’d drive right from work, sleep at the hospital weekend, leave Sunday night, drive home, be at work on Monday, right?

(0:29) I was burning my body into the ground. (0:32) It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was tired or I didn’t know I was getting sick more often, right? (0:39) Your body tells you, so listen to your body.

Melissa

(0:43) Some people climb the corporate ladder. (0:46) My guest today, she built her own and then set it on fire to start something even bolder. (0:53) Adriana Cowan is a Forbes and New York Times featured executive coach who knows what it means to rebuild from the ground up.

(1:04) She grew a seven figure business while battling 30 chronic illnesses, steering executive teams and navigating medical trauma most people can’t even imagine. (1:17) And she’s still here louder, clearer and more unapologetic than ever. (1:23) Today, we’re talking about the art of grit and reinvention, the kind that doesn’t just change your career, it changes your life.

(1:31) So grab your coffee, take a deep breath and get ready to step into your next power move. (1:38) Welcome, Adriana.

Adriana

(1:40) Thank you so much, Melissa. (1:42) I’m so excited to be here and hello to all of the listeners. (1:46) So if you’re joining today, please subscribe and just enjoy the episode and hopefully one person will be impacted by what we talk about today.

Melissa

(1:56) I love that. (1:57) Thank you for that. (1:58) I agree.

(1:59) That’s my goal every time I do a podcast. (2:01) So let’s start with your journey. (2:04) You lived through professional triumphs and deeply personal challenges pretty much at the same time.

(2:14) Take us back to that. (2:15) And what was the turning point that made you decide to burn the ladder down so you could start all over again?

Adriana

(2:21) So to your point, I’ve lived through multiple, successful lives on paper. (2:26) I was a Fortune 500 executive. (2:29) I’ve been a successful entrepreneur and had a successful exit.

(2:35) And then my body was like, hey, let’s do something different. (2:40) So the moment itself was I was sitting in a day long executive leadership team meeting which literally happened every week. (2:51) And I doubled over in pain.

(2:54) I took a sip of my coffee and just doubled over in pain. (2:57) And so off to the hospital, oh, it’s your gallbladder surgery. (3:02) They take that out, go back to work four days later because why not?

(3:07) Why would I stay home? (3:09) And it happened again a couple of days later with a sip of water. (3:13) And that was the beginning of a complete reinvention of my life without me knowing it.

(3:20) So I ended up with being diagnosed with severe pancreatic disease. (3:27) And fast forward, that was usually about fall of 2015, May of 2016, I was like, you know what? (3:37) This is no longer working.

(3:39) Like I need to start over. (3:41) I can’t push this broken body any harder. (3:44) The hundred hour work weeks that I had become accustomed to and my teams had just were not even possible anymore.

(3:54) And so that was the moment I burned down my career if you will, with Corporate America and started building everything from the ground up to find a way to make it work not just for me but for my body.

Melissa

(4:08) Ready to lead smarter and invest wiser? (4:11) On the Executive Connect podcast, we unpack executive strategies for wealth and influence. (4:18) Hit the subscribe button now.

(4:21) Don’t just watch, act. (4:23) That is amazing. (4:25) And I’m so glad you’re well now because that is not good.

(4:29) And I hear this more often than not, which is really scary. (4:33) Now I’m curious, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this story. (4:37) This is starting to become a common theme these days and which is really sad.

(4:42) So talk to me a little bit about what did walking away actually cost you emotionally, financially, socially? (4:50) Unpack that a little bit for us.

Adriana

(4:53) So a lot of these stories I’ll just put out that are in the book that I wrote, Stubbornness Box, because you’re right, this is not like a me thing, right? (5:03) This continues to happen. (5:05) In terms of what it cost me, it felt like it cost me everything.

(5:09) It didn’t, but it felt like that because I had made a very conscious choice to have my career over children. (5:17) And so my entire identity was wrapped up in my career. (5:22) The corner office, my luxury lifestyle, my big house, my cushy bank account, my luxury car, the access I had, it was all tied up.

(5:34) And so walking away just wasn’t walking away from my career. (5:39) It was, well, now who the hell am I? (5:41) Like, you know, I don’t have kids as a legacy.

(5:46) I’m no longer gonna have this like career as my legacy. (5:49) What do I leave behind and where do I channel my energy? (5:54) And, you know, how do I take this burned out body and build something that has meaning for me and for the world?

(6:04) And so when I say I feel like it cost me everything, I felt like it did at that time. (6:10) But in reality, it gave me everything because along the way, not only did I, you know, become a successful entrepreneur, but I met, fell in love with, and now married my best friend and husband, Eric. (6:24) And I’ve now written this book that is helping a lot of people.

(6:28) And I’m working on a new technology company that is designed around patients. (6:33) So not patients like peace, but like medical patients. (6:39) So, although I felt like it cost me everything, it really actually gave me everything.

Melissa

(6:46) I love that. (6:48) And I think there’s so many of these moments where my fellow peers that we push through anyway, we push through surgeries and come back to work the next week because we could just do our job while sitting, you know, or I had a woman that I talked to a couple of weeks ago who had a child and went back to work the next day, which is crazy to me, first of all. (7:15) But these are common stories.

(7:17) And so talk to me a little bit about what do most people misunderstand about your decision and how did that decision redefine success for you in this season that you’re in now?

Adriana

(7:37) So I think what most people misunderstood was why I did it, because I am always the one that goes back, right? (7:47) So in the book, I call this the lipstick mafia because it tends to be women that do this, right? (7:52) Like you could be laying in bed with the flu and be like, oh, you know what?

(7:56) I have to record this podcast, lipstick on, face on, in front of the, here I am, you know, camera goes off and you’re like back in bed with a fever. (8:05) So we are very good at shouldering all of the, I don’t know, burdens, but all of the pressures of life. (8:14) And I had always been that person.

(8:16) And so people were like, oh, that’s weird that she’s making a pivot, right? (8:21) So I think it was more the perception around why would someone that’s always stepped into things make a decision to step back? (8:31) And in full transparency, I didn’t wanna make that decision.

(8:35) My body forced me to make that decision. (8:38) My body was like, you’re done deciding, we’re going this way. (8:43) But it’s also that I chose to, instead of investing in a career and a company, I chose to invest in relationships and people.

(8:54) And it became those relationships that were the savior in my life and the motivation to do whatever I do. (9:04) And to your point, like I had surgery a week ago today. (9:08) I was actually still in the hospital.

(9:10) I live on a feeding tube that no one can see with, you know, like the background screen, but like, you know, hangs out from the bottom of me. (9:18) But people are always like, oh, you look so great. (9:20) You’d never know.

(9:22) Yeah, because I work really hard so that you see me and not the diseases. (9:28) Like that is very important. (9:31) And that’s something I work on with people is just because you’re facing these life challenges and maybe we need to reinvent who you are.

(9:41) It doesn’t mean you have to change the things you love about yourself either, right? (9:45) You can still lean into those things. (9:47) A reinvention is more kind of think of it as what happens alongside a health adversity or a financial challenge or a career change, right?

(9:59) It happens alongside of it and allows you to become the best version of yourself.

Melissa

(10:05) Yeah, and that’s all of that so spot on. (10:09) So let’s talk a little bit about leading through the fire, which you have been through. (10:15) And I think a lot of high achievers are incredibly good at passing and pushing and going until their body, like you just mentioned, and their mind says, sorry, we’ve given you all these warning signs.

(10:32) And now I know I’ve done this to myself. (10:36) I’m like, oh, I’m fine. (10:37) I just need more sleep.

(10:39) So we all do it, right? (10:41) We do it in our works either A, because the corporate setup forces us to, or it’s the hustle culture. (10:49) And so in your work with leaders, how can somebody recognize burnout before it’s a full on collapse or they’re taking steps back so they could take care of their health?

Adriana

(11:04) So I think the first one is follow your gut. (11:09) Your body is always gonna tell you when you are headed towards burnout. (11:14) And it’s not like when mine happened, yes, it was quick, but I had been commuting back and forth from Indianapolis to Chicago every weekend because my mom was going through cancer treatment and sleeping at the, like I’d drive right from work, sleep at the hospital all weekend, leave Sunday night, drive home, be at work on Monday, right?

(11:36) I was burning my body into the ground. (11:39) It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was tired or I didn’t know I was getting sick more often, right? (11:45) Your body tells you, so listen to your body and try to overcome your mind because it’s our minds that are like, I can do this meeting.

(11:55) I can show up for this. (11:58) I can have a baby and be at work tomorrow, which like I never had babies and that’s crazy to even me, but I get it, right? (12:07) It’s this mentality of not just I can, but what happens if I don’t?

(12:15) What happens if I don’t show up for the meeting or I do take maternity leave? (12:20) Am I gonna get replaced? (12:22) Am I gonna be seen as weak or emotional or unavailable?

(12:27) And what does that do to my career or whatever the case is? (12:31) So it’s listen to your gut because your body and your gut are gonna tell you what is wrong way before you ever break down.

Melissa

(12:42) Yeah, and I’m curious, I’m thinking about what does medical trauma do to somebody’s relationship with ambition if they’re a really driven individual?

Adriana

(12:54) Yeah, it’s for me, it was really, really horrible. (13:01) So in 2016, in December of 2016, I had a surgery called the Whipple. (13:06) And I always say, if you wanna lose your appetite, Google that, but the short and skinny of it is it was a 14 hour marathon, horrific surgery.

(13:17) And I lost a lot of organs and only was expected to live about five years. (13:25) 25% of people live five years, they don’t track it after that. (13:28) So this was not great, right?

(13:31) But the medical trauma that came from not just having that surgery, but the recovery that took 18 months and being confined to bedrest and then a wheelchair. (13:43) And I was diagnosed with PTSD. (13:47) And pardon my ignorance at the time, when I was diagnosed, I literally looked at the doctor and was like, oh, I’m not a veteran.

(13:54) Like I’ve never been to war. (13:56) She was like, you don’t have to be a veteran to have PTSD. (14:00) And I was like, well, I just had a surgery.

(14:03) She’s like, well, you didn’t just have any old surgery. (14:06) And this has really collapsed your whole world. (14:10) Like you’re used to push, push, push, work every day, do this nonstop.

(14:16) And of course I tried to start a company in the middle of this recovery too. (14:21) So it has to switch your mentality because severe medical trauma does impact your mind as much as your physical body. (14:32) And it’s our minds that push us to stay ambitious and focused and successful.

(14:38) And we have to redefine what a success look like. (14:41) So for me, success became walking five feet. (14:45) And then it became, I’m gonna get out of this fricking wheelchair and I’m gonna walk again.

(14:50) So you have to reshape what that success looks like.

Melissa

(14:55) This episode is sponsored by Texas Freedom Fund. (14:59) If you’re an accredited investor looking to protect your purchasing power, reduce taxes and own real Texas energy assets, listen up. (15:09) The Texas Freedom Fund invests in proven oil and gas projects in the Eager Ford shale with no debt and strong tax advantages like intangible drilling costs applied against active income.

(15:22) Minimum investment is 25,000 and the sponsor invests right alongside every single deal. (15:29) Learn more at texasfreedomfund.executiveconnectpodcast.com. (15:35) Energy, opportunity and Texas grit working for your portfolio.

(15:43) And I love that. (15:44) And when I wrote my book this year, Renaissance Redefining Success for Modern Mavericks, it was the thread was similar, right? (15:55) Although I wasn’t suffering anything medical, I think it was more of this all correlated to a movie.

(16:02) You push play, we go, we push pause, we sleep, but it is like this stop, go all the time, every day, all areas. (16:11) And so I think why is it so, I’m thinking in my brain, why is it so hard for high performers to ask for help or to get help or to realize that they’re literally one step away from losing their life, burnout, their health. (16:32) We’re seeing what people in their thirties and forties suffer heart attacks now.

(16:38) I don’t think I ever heard somebody that was healthy that suffering heart attacks in their thirties. (16:47) And so why is this so difficult?

Adriana

(16:48) Well, if we think about it, we are not just rewarded, but usually handsomely rewarded for over-functioning, right? (17:01) The more you over-function, the more you push, the more promotions, the higher the salary, the more responsibility, whatever the case may be, right? (17:10) The more medals if you’re in sports or the more success if you’re a race car driver, whatever it is, our society rewards over-functioning.

(17:23) We don’t get any rewards for saying, hey, timeout, I need to take a week off because I had surgery and checking my email nonstop is not helpful in recovery. (17:35) Oh, and I’m on narcotics, so I probably shouldn’t be responding. (17:40) But we don’t lean into that because that’s not how society has been rewarding us in the United States, I will say, right?

(17:48) So you go over to Europe and people are like, oh, I’m on holiday and they are checked out. (17:54) They are not checking email. (17:56) They’re not coming in.

(17:57) They’re like, don’t ring my phone. (17:59) Don’t go slacking me. (18:00) I’m done, I’m on holiday, which we could learn a lot from, right?

(18:05) Or you go to, I’m Argentine, you go to Argentina or Spain or a lot of South America and there’s a siesta. (18:11) Like, hey, we’re at lunch for the next two hours. (18:14) We’ll be back at six or seven.

(18:15) We’re gonna have some wine and relax. (18:18) We’re busy like eating, you know, lunchables at our desk while we shove it down during a meeting, you know, and trying to email why we’re slacking. (18:29) Just like, there’s so many things because that’s how we’re rewarded in this country.

(18:34) And so the reason so many people have challenges with it isn’t just because of that’s how they’re rewarded, but because of the fear. (18:43) What happens if I stop doing that? (18:46) Do I get replaced?

(18:47) Do I lose my job? (18:49) Do I lose my big home or my bank account or my potential promotion, right? (18:58) What happens if I slow down and that fear of the unknown is enough to scare people into not changing?

Melissa

(19:05) Yeah, and I love that. (19:07) And I think it’s safe to reinvent yourself regularly without apologizing for stepping down or stepping sideways or completely stepping off the hamster wheel. (19:21) So your work really centers around reclaiming your identity and your power.

(19:26) So for somebody listening right now who feels disconnected with who they used to be, what’s the first bold grounded step towards reinvention?

Adriana

(19:40) I would say it would be take inventory of what’s working and what’s not working in a really honest and vulnerable way. (19:49) We always know, particularly women, but everyone instinctively when something doesn’t work, like your body will tell you that’s not working for me. (19:58) And so I used to, when people would say, what’s your leadership philosophy?

(20:02) I would say, oh, head, heart and gut. (20:04) I have to have all three aligned for me to make a decision to go forward. (20:10) And that’s what I say to my clients.

(20:12) If you are at that point where you’re like, maybe I need to reinvent things, look at is your head, your heart and your gut all aligned with where you’re going? (20:24) And if not, it’s time to make a change. (20:26) And we know that you don’t necessarily, I mean, sure, create a spreadsheet, do your pros and cons, weight them, do statistics, whatever works for you.

(20:34) But at the end of the day, if those three things are not in line, it’s time to look at reinvention.

Melissa

(20:41) Yeah, I agree with you. (20:42) And I love that because that’s so much about what my book is about. (20:47) And so I’m curious to get your perspective.

(20:50) What is the biggest lie people tell themselves during the time of reinvention?

Adriana

(21:00) I can do it later. (21:02) I always have more time. (21:03) It’s one version of that.

(21:05) Like it doesn’t have to be today or I’ll start on it tomorrow. (21:09) And I love this time of year, right? (21:11) Because it’s almost a brand new year.

(21:14) So right now it’s after the holidays. (21:17) As soon as new year starts, I’m gonna do, it’s like everyone, it’s the same lie people tell when they start a new year’s resolution. (21:25) I’m gonna exercise every day, which is why every fitness center like gets everyone they can in January and February because everyone stops exercising in March.

(21:35) It’s always, I’ll start tomorrow or I can do it later. (21:39) Or as soon as I get through this board meeting or I get this promotion, or as soon as the kids are off to school full time or whatever qualifier we have decided to put on our lives, we wait for that and say, then as soon as that’s done, then I’m gonna do it. (21:59) And that’s not the case.

(22:01) Life is happening now. (22:02) And if you don’t make a change now, it’s just gonna get worse. (22:08) You’re getting that much closer to burnout.

Melissa

(22:12) Yeah, I love that. (22:13) And so talk to me a little bit about, actually, let me pause on that. (22:19) Let me kind of circle back to something you said.

(22:22) I think about all those things I’ve said myself, I’ll do later, like you were saying. (22:27) I think about my book that I published this year. (22:31) And I wrote the book or sketches of the book, I don’t wanna say, almost 20 years ago.

(22:38) And I’m like, when I have more time and when I get a little older, when I know a little more about things, I’ll write this book. (22:46) And I find it interesting because we don’t know if there’s going to be a later or a next or a when, if there’s time, if this is happening. (22:57) And so I love that point.

(23:00) I think there’s so much truth, but you really gotta do exactly what you were saying at the beginning. (23:05) You first have to know what you want, which is your heart. (23:08) And we’ve got to bring our head into the equation and really build that strategy, the blueprint, the foundation.

(23:17) And then we gotta layer in our gut and our intuition to say, okay, does this really make sense? (23:24) And so you’re really right. (23:25) A lot of times I hear people make decisions on head or heart or gut, and they didn’t really think it all through.

(23:33) They just kind of went through it. (23:35) And so that’s kind of what I was going with the previous question is, how do you know when reinvention is real and it’s not just reacting or responding to kind of what’s happening at us or for us or however you look at it?

Adriana

(23:50) Yeah, I mean, when reinvention happens for real, first of all, other people will probably know it before you do, because people start seeing the change in you. (24:02) So if you think about, if you’ve ever set boundaries with someone, right? (24:07) It’s about what you do.

(24:09) It’s not about them. (24:10) So let’s say you’re setting boundaries with someone who’s toxic in your life and you decide I’m no longer gonna let this person hang up on me, right? (24:18) Well, you may say to them, the next time you hang up on me, I’m not calling you back because it’s disrespectful and immature.

(24:29) And the next time they hang up, you don’t call them back, right? (24:33) It’s what you’re doing. (24:34) Eventually that person stops hanging up on you.

(24:38) And then you’re like, oh, that worked. (24:41) So it’s other people and how they start responding and how things start changing. (24:47) They will notice it probably before you.

(24:51) You’ll start feeling better. (24:54) If it’s a boundary thing, maybe you’re gonna feel lighter. (24:57) Maybe you’re gonna feel happier because you’re not dealing with the stress of someone hanging up on you.

(25:01) But it’s other people that are gonna be like, hey, I’ve noticed your shoulders are like lower anymore. (25:08) And that literally someone said that to me. (25:10) Like, gosh, I’ve noticed your shoulders are like low these days.

(25:14) I didn’t know I wasn’t walking around like a football player with my shoulders up, right? (25:19) Or wow, I noticed that like you smile a lot lately. (25:25) I haven’t seen that joy in your face in a long time.

(25:29) Other people will notice it. (25:32) And almost if you think about it with how people lose weight, people don’t necessarily notice they’re losing weight because we lose weight one bit at a time, right? (25:42) We see ourselves every day.

(25:43) But think about someone who’s lost maybe 30, 40, 50 pounds and you haven’t seen them in a year. (25:50) You see them and you’re like, oh my gosh, you look fantastic. (25:53) What have you done?

(25:54) I’m so happy for you. (25:56) They don’t feel it because it’s been small every day. (26:00) It’s the other people that will notice it before you.

(26:04) And then you’ll be like, oh, what I’m doing must be actually working.

Melissa

(26:08) Yeah, so let’s unpack that a little more. (26:11) So you’re right, Renaissance and reinvention and building this new life and becoming your own maverick and whatever we call it, it doesn’t really happen in isolation, right? (26:22) It’s an unsettled relationship, teams, families.

(26:26) So how do you help clients navigate resistance or misunderstandings without overexplaining or shrinking themselves?

Adriana

(26:38) I have to say, I love that question. (26:40) So Stubborn as Fuck as a book is designed around, is organized around 13 certain truths, right? (26:47) And there are truths that I’ve used in my life but the chapters themselves are, I explain what the truth is.

(26:53) So like truth number one is resilience is a choice. (26:56) I explain the truth. (26:58) I share three stories of how it’s manifested in my life because you’re right, it might be relationships.

(27:03) It might be career. (27:04) It might be love. (27:06) It might be any of those things.

(27:09) And then I break down the myths and then how to make it work for you. (27:15) Because when you look at reinvention, it is not done in a silo. (27:23) It is done in a more of a community space, right?

(27:27) Your care community. (27:29) So one of those chapters is, and I should know the exact title, but it is boundaries are non-negotiable. (27:37) And I talk in there about the toxic relationship that I pulled out of and how I did it and how you can do it.

(27:46) Because part of that fear is, well, what if this person never talks to me again? (27:51) Or what if they go and say something to other people? (27:55) Or like, it’s the fear that stops you from pulling out of those toxic relationships.

(28:00) And in the book, the ones I share are my mother, my brother, and my best friend of 30 years. (28:10) So it’s not necessarily fun stories, I would say, but they’re very real and vulnerable. (28:19) And none of it has to be about like, I hate this person, you’re awful.

(28:25) It’s about, this is not serving me and this is not working in my life. (28:30) And so I’m making a choice to move in a different direction. (28:34) And like in the case that I share in the story in the book with my best friend of 30 years, she’s a wonderful person.

(28:40) I wish her well, she wishes me well, but our lives did this. (28:46) And we were just two different people. (28:50) And it was hurting me.

(28:52) It was causing me a lot of heartache. (28:53) So it didn’t serve me anymore. (28:55) So it’s about making those decisions that work best for you, not in a selfish way, but in a way of, if I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of anyone else.

Melissa

(29:07) Looking to get paid speaking gigs, but you don’t know where to start? (29:11) The Speaker Lab has helped thousands of people build real profitable speaking careers with their proven system. (29:18) Right now you can grab their free one-page speaker success blueprint.

(29:23) It lays out exactly how to launch your speaking career and start booking gigs that pay today. (29:30) Plus you’ll get invited to a live masterclass where Dan Irvin shares the three secrets top speakers use to earn an average of 16,000 plus per gig. (29:41) Get your free blueprint at thespeakerlab.com slash executive connect. (29:50) And I love this. (29:51) I’m gonna unpack some more of this even deeper. (29:53) So what I find is really interesting is that when you’re growing, it threatens other people because they benefited from the old version of you.

(30:10) So why does that happen?

Adriana

(30:14) Well, you know, people like us in our box, right? (30:17) Like this is what I know about you and I don’t want you to change. (30:21) So from a perspective of like a family relationship, if you have someone in your life, family, personal, really, you know, romantic relationship, or even at work, that’s a narcissist, which many of us do, they need to keep you in that little box because it works for them.

(30:44) As soon as you stop responding to their narcissism and stop responding to their drama, it’s no longer fun for them. (30:52) Like they’re not getting their excitement from it. (30:57) And the beautiful thing is you lose that relationship most of the time because you’re no longer fun for them.

(31:03) You’ve changed and they don’t like it, but it helps you. (31:06) And you’re able to see clearly, wow, that person really wasn’t helpful in my life. (31:12) They weren’t supportive.

(31:13) They weren’t driving me forward. (31:15) But yeah, I mean, people like us the way they know us and change can be very difficult. (31:21) But if you are changing to better yourself and someone doesn’t like it, they are the problem, not you.

Melissa

(31:32) And so maybe let’s talk a little bit how we can stop managing other people’s comfort or emotions, however we call it, during your transformation.

Adriana

(31:47) Well, first you gotta identify what your goal is, right? (31:50) Like I always tell people as a coach, I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me. (31:56) I am direct and transparent and highly goal focused and results focused.

(32:01) And for lack of a better term, I like to get shit done. (32:05) So that is not for everyone, right? (32:07) Like some people wanna go this way to their goal.

(32:10) That’s great. (32:12) I always say, you’re gonna drive the car. (32:14) I will navigate us there and you’ll decide how fast or slow we go.

(32:18) And we may choose to move direction but we’re gonna navigate and get there. (32:23) So, you know, it’s different for everybody that reinvention process and how you get there and the goals that you identify in the beginning are gonna be the most important. (32:38) And the trick, not trick, the tool I use for this is write down 10 goals in present tense.

(32:44) So let’s say your goal is to take a vacation with your significant other to Napa Valley. (32:53) You would write, my significant other and I enjoyed our trip to Napa Valley this fall. (33:01) You use present tense as if it’s real.

(33:03) Or I drive my dream car of a McLaren. (33:08) You write it as if it’s real. (33:10) So you write 10 in present tense and then pretend you have a magic wand and tell me which one within two seconds is the most important.

(33:19) It will always jump off the page, always. (33:23) That’s the one you focus on. (33:25) And I will tell you, I have worked with some of the most highly successful executives and entrepreneurs and never can you guess which one’s gonna jump off the page.

(33:36) I’ve had one like really successful executive. (33:40) I believe educated. (33:41) I was working with him on career transition and the one that jumped out to him was he wanted to write a book about the process of Jesus’ dad, Joseph and like the story behind him.

(33:55) I was like, I would have never guessed this, right? (33:58) So, and that is what was really fueling him. (34:03) So what is actually focused for you for your goals and which one jumps off the page?

(34:10) That’s where you need to focus. (34:11) That’s how you get started.

Melissa

(34:13) I love that. (34:15) So talking a little bit about your stubborn as fuck movement which resonates with me very much. (34:25) Why is reclaiming stubbornness on your own terms such a powerful force for change?

Adriana

(34:37) Well, so first stubborn tends to be seen as a negative word, right? (34:42) Like you’re stubborn, you’re difficult, you’re hard to deal with. (34:46) So first you have to empower yourself to say stubborn is a good thing.

(34:50) That’s a positive thing, right? (34:52) Second of all, for me and my personal journey I am only alive for two reasons, the love and support of my husband and caregiving and because I’m too stubborn to die. (35:05) I should have been dead a long time ago.

(35:07) Every doctor’s like, how the hell are you still here? (35:10) And so it is literally because I’m just too fucking stubborn to die. (35:15) I’m not done yet.

(35:17) And so it’s reclaiming stubborn in a way of saying this is a good thing. (35:25) This is my strength and I am going to look at it as power and look at it as a positive thing and I’m gonna be completely open about it. (35:37) And I share in the book how I ended up titling the book, Stubborn as Fuck, which I’ll share a little bit.

(35:43) So this wrist is my wedding date. (35:45) My husband and I have matching tattoos. (35:47) This wrist doesn’t have a tattoo but Eric has always said it’s a stubborn as fuck.

(35:53) And so like you, I had been writing this book and working on it, but I’m very visionary. (35:58) So until I had like the title I couldn’t quite get it together. (36:03) And we were sitting outside one day having coffee and he’s like, you are so stubborn as fuck.

(36:07) And I was like, that’s the title. (36:11) And then I started socializing it. (36:14) And as you can imagine, I got very diverse feedback.

(36:18) One of the people, my mother was like, that is terrible. (36:23) That is low class. (36:25) No one talks like that.

(36:26) No one’s gonna read that. (36:28) And I was like, that’s perfect. (36:30) If you hate it, that probably means it’s good.

(36:33) Not because I hate her but because we are so very different. (36:37) But the other thing was because the book is really raw and real. (36:44) It has three or four stories about me saying goodbye and several code blues.

(36:50) And if the title is too much for you the content of the book is too much for you. (36:56) So I was very intentional about that. (37:00) But in terms of like, you have to own being stubborn as a positive and a good thing because if you in your mind are like, oh, stubborn is about being difficult then that’s what you’re gonna portray.

(37:14) And that’s not gonna work.

Melissa

(37:16) I love that. (37:17) That’s so great. (37:18) And I’m glad I’ve got to read this book cause it’s totally fits my mold.

(37:24) I wanna take some time to do a quick fire round and you’ve given me so many ideas of what I can ask you. (37:34) So give me one word that describes reinvention. (37:40) Happiness.

(37:42) What did illness teach you that success never could?

Adriana

(37:50) Love fuels everything.

Melissa

(37:53) I love that. (37:54) A belief you had to unlearn.

Adriana

(37:58) That I was only as important as my job title or my W2.

Melissa

(38:04) Love that. (38:05) What’s harder, letting go or starting over?

Adriana

(38:10) Ooh, is that a good one?

Melissa

(38:13) Letting go. (38:14) I like that. (38:16) A boundary you’ll never compromise again.

Adriana

(38:23) Putting me first. (38:25) I don’t ask for permission anymore. (38:27) I always put me first.

Melissa

(38:29) The bravest decision you’ve ever made.

Adriana

(38:34) Allowing myself to fall in love with Eric.

Melissa

(38:37) I love it. (38:39) So tell me what does strength look like to you now?

Adriana

(38:45) This is gonna sound maybe petty and silly, but when you read the book or even go on the site and understand my story, it’ll make sense. (38:54) Strength to me looks like being able to get up and go for a walk in the morning. (39:00) Because there are morning, I live for walking.

(39:04) Now that I can again, I live for it. (39:06) And so there are mornings where I literally just can’t physically move. (39:10) There are days where I am back in a wheelchair.

(39:14) So strength is a morning when I can get up, lace up my tennis shoes and go for a walk. (39:21) Even if it’s just to get a coffee or if I can make it to the ocean and back, that to me is like, today’s a good strong day.

Melissa

(39:28) I love that. (39:30) Finish this sentence. (39:31) I became unstoppable when I stopped.

Adriana

(39:37) Asking others for permission.

Melissa

(39:39) Oh, I love that. (39:40) Okay, here’s one other one. (39:42) What no longer gets your energy?

Adriana

(39:45) Oh, toxic relationships. (39:48) I mean, they just don’t get it anymore.

Melissa

(39:52) Amen. (39:54) Okay. (39:55) In closing, tell us what’s next for you and the best way for our listeners to connect with you and learn more about the good work that you’re doing.

Adriana

(40:07) So what’s next for me, knock on wood is I’m actually building an AI based company that is entirely patient centric to serve as a way to allow patients to make informed, confident decisions about their medical care. (40:28) So spending a lot of time with developers, a lot more than I ever wanted to, but that is my passion project, as well as sharing the message of stubborn as fuck and getting that to as many people as I can to change their lives. (40:42) So to find me, you can go to my website, which is just AdriannaCowden.com.

(40:48) It’s very easy. (40:49) It’s my name. (40:50) You can go to Instagram, Adrianna L.

(40:53) Cowden or definitely on LinkedIn. (40:56) And thankfully I’m the only Adrianna Cowden on LinkedIn. (40:58) So it’s also easy to find me.

(41:01) And you can buy stubborn as fuck. (41:04) You can buy the book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, books a million. (41:07) You can find it a lot of, you can buy it on my site.

(41:09) You can find it a lot of places.

Melissa

(41:13) I loved our discussion today. (41:15) Your journey is so inspirational and powerful for so many people that are, I know we’re gonna get so much value out of listening today. (41:24) So thank you so much for being here.

(41:26) That’s the Executive Connect Power, Powerful. (41:29) The Executive Connect Podcast. (41:31) Yeah, you still have the word powerful in my brain.

(41:34) That means I’ve seared it into your brain today. (41:38) You did.

Adriana

(41:39) I can’t even get my words straight. (41:41) So thank you so much.